neither here nor there just right beside you (tgpeanut) wrote,
neither here nor there just right beside you

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cold, warm, cold

Last night for some reason I found my self in a really crummy mood. I just wanted to be alone. I dont know what brought that on, or if it has anything to do with the fact that I dont get any time for myself alone. My roomie, Terra is always there since she doesnt have a job or anything else to do here. I used to be able to come home from work, relax and have some free time (usually a couple hours) before TL would get home from Seattle. I know I upset Terra yesterday because I was being a real bitch, for no good reason. This is very unusual for me, I have a pretty stable mood.
TL called me and asked if I would come down to hang out for awhile. I think she could tell I was upset. I said yes, because I really wanted to see her some more. I have managed to spend the last 3 days with her somehow. It felt good to be at the old house last night. I really miss living there, and with her. I hate apartments. Im not sure if Im truly happy about anything in my life right now. I guess I should spend some time thinking about what it is thats making me feel unhappy.
Im 6 months into transition and its going well. At least as far as transition is concerned. I havent had any second thoughts or remissions into guy mode. I am single again, at least in regards with TL, but I have no idea how I would go about meeting anyone new, even if I wanted to. Im torn over that. I feel so lonely, Im really quite an affectionate person, and I miss having someone to share that with. I feel like that part of myself is closing up, like a shell is forming around me.
I dont like it. I need to find a way out.
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