neither here nor there just right beside you (tgpeanut) wrote,
neither here nor there just right beside you

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Savoy Truffle

I was wondering why that song kept going 'round and 'round in my head this past week, so odd... Its definitely my favourite, even more so than 'Within you, Without you'.
The Beatles are so fascinating, Im surprised I didnt really appreciate them until I was in my mid 20's ~ being that I was exposed to them so often by my brother and a lot of friends I had in high school. I was far too deep into Zeppelin and Metallica then. And I thought I had an open mind in regards to music!
My tastes are so much more diverse these days, I find myself listening to things I never even imagined I would like, such as Orbital and Cibo Matto.
Music is one of the things that keeps me here. I realized that after Kurt killed himself, I couldnt fathom why he would do it and in turn questioned my own reasons for not doing it. Why dont I kill myself?
My life is definitely not easy, Im in denial about my transexuality, Im poor, I have no love... it seemed like it would be the easy way out... Music is one of the reasons that I decided to live, to hear new songs and new groups and new ideas...Kurt has missed out on so much!
Thats why I cant do it, plus I wanted to live to realize my dream of becoming a woman someday. Which I am now in the midst of obviously.
Then there is the weed factor~ I know it makes me happy, I do it because it makes me happy. Deep down inside myself is sadness, getting stoned displaces the sadness with happiness, albeit temporarily. My life is not a fountain of wonderful amazing fun right now, but it is getting better~
Just having a couch to sit on and a sweet kitty hanging around has helped immensely.
Oh I got a letter from an old friend yesterday that I have been constantly writing to in hopes we could still be friends, and the nice things he said made me cry! I didnt want to lose his friendship, so I fought to keep it. Im so glad that we can still talk. After all he is the one that introduced TL to me. Im so grateful for that.
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