The Beatles are so fascinating, Im surprised I didnt really appreciate them until I was in my mid 20's ~ being that I was exposed to them so often by my brother and a lot of friends I had in high school. I was far too deep into Zeppelin and Metallica then. And I thought I had an open mind in regards to music!
My tastes are so much more diverse these days, I find myself listening to things I never even imagined I would like, such as Orbital and Cibo Matto.
Music is one of the things that keeps me here. I realized that after Kurt killed himself, I couldnt fathom why he would do it and in turn questioned my own reasons for not doing it. Why dont I kill myself?
My life is definitely not easy, Im in denial about my transexuality, Im poor, I have no love... it seemed like it would be the easy way out... Music is one of the reasons that I decided to live, to hear new songs and new groups and new ideas...Kurt has missed out on so much!
Thats why I cant do it, plus I wanted to live to realize my dream of becoming a woman someday. Which I am now in the midst of obviously.
Then there is the weed factor~ I know it makes me happy, I do it because it makes me happy. Deep down inside myself is sadness, getting stoned displaces the sadness with happiness, albeit temporarily. My life is not a fountain of wonderful amazing fun right now, but it is getting better~
Just having a couch to sit on and a sweet kitty hanging around has helped immensely.
Oh I got a letter from an old friend yesterday that I have been constantly writing to in hopes we could still be friends, and the nice things he said made me cry! I didnt want to lose his friendship, so I fought to keep it. Im so glad that we can still talk. After all he is the one that introduced TL to me. Im so grateful for that.